15 April 2010
Sometimes i don't know why i fake a smile every single day of my life . Is it because i can't bear to affect the others around me ? Or am i just crazy . Honestly sometimes i just can't bear the pressure and i just feel like crumbling . And I try to open up to the people around me but most of them don't even bother about my life . Heck , they have their own problems to settle . But sometimes people do listen to my problem , but whats the point ; they aren't in my shoes . All they can do is listen to me and advice . Call me egoistic but its hard for me to accept friends advice . Mainly because they don't see the whole picture of my trouble . They just think of the easiest way out . Honestly I appreciate all of your efforts but words can only go so far . And its at this checkpoint i feel like the weight of the world is resting upon my shoulders . And to be honest it's at this point of time that people choose not to bother with my life . I'm tired . Tired of life . Tired of constantly making the others around me happy . Tired of faking my smile . Tired of the friends who get jealous of my success . Tired of people putting me down every time i take a step up my stairs of success . Can't you for once make me happy ? For once be proud of who I am and what I am . Just be proud of me ? Is it so hard to ask for a pat on the back once in a while ? Do you really have to hurt me ? I'm not saying i'm always making you guys happy , but I know I have done a lot to please you guys . I have done a lot to help . Never once have i demanded credit . But tell me , is it so hard to give some ? will you get shot in the head and die or something ?
I'm always trying to make peace work between people , but i'm starting to realize i'm becoming the victim . It hurts a lot okay , it does . Another thing that hurts me is people who get pissed and angry at me for the slightest things . As though what i did is causing the end of the world for you . Must you really get angry and disappointed with me for matters so minute ? I'm just tired putting up with all of these . Give me a break please . I'm always smiling and acting happy just so the people around me feel happy and comfortable . Just so nobody has issues with one another and we just have fun . But people see me as annoying . They rather i shut up and mind my own business . If you really want it its not hard . I can easily fuck off from everybody's lives . Would that make everyone happy ? I'd be glad to anyway . If nobody really needs me , then its fine with me . I won't need anybody too . I can just lead my own life doing my own things . It's not that hard for me to become an introvert .
I feel like just breaking down and scream my lungs out where nobody can hear me . And i don't know who's really there for me , or who's just claiming they're there for me . I just feel very lost and confused . I need someone to guide me . I need help . But i just don't know what to do with myself .
People hate me , I know , but it's okay . I'm not forcing anyone to like me anyway . I'm not demanding everyone to be a really good friend to me . But if you hate me , reflect upon yourself . Why do you really hate me . Is it because i stop you from having your way or say ? Or is it because people hate you anyway .
I just don't want to bother anymore . I'm just tired , very tired .
Goodnight readers
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me
Khairul
Im Seventeen going on Eighteen.
Im a nice guy , so hate me .
I love Syasya Firzanah Binte Roslee
Screw this , everyone knows me
i deleted all the links here because i feel the connection has been lost.
To whoever wishes to be listed here, do let me know personally
Ask me!
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