Photobucket"
29 April 2010


Im truly disappointed by some of the friends around me . Some see me as insignificant , some unappreciative , some are just too egoistic that they think they're better and think they deserve respect . But please , look at yourself in the mirror . What good things have you ever done for me ?
However apparently you seem to bear some grudges towards me . As though i ruined your life or something . Why can't you see me succeed ? why must you be so unsupportive of the fact im doing much better than you ? Is it so hard to see a friend happy ? Apparently not for you .

And another one . Who just follows others like a slave . Whatever that friend asks you to do , you do . Without even thinking . You made a promise to me . And I AM the type of person who is ultimately particular about promises . If you happen to know me , you will realize i repel myself from friends who break my promises . It may seem like a small simple promise , but what you don't know is that the small promise you make is actually a package of my trust . and the wrapping of that packaging is your integrity and character . You drop the package , you lose it all . And yes by breaking that promise , you simply showed how much you valued me as a friend . Call me sensitive , call me childish . But I stick to my principles . I am a man of my words . and most importantly , i VALUE promises . If i know im not able to commit to it , i wont make that promise .

but seriously , none of you had the decent respect to even wait for a friend for like 5 minutes ? even after promising to meet me ?
and even when you went off , didn't any of you even think of telling me that you were going off first ? you had me run all the way to the bus stop , look for you like a fucking asshole , run all the way across the street to the coffee shop to use the public phone (because my prepaid was expired) , just to fucking call you to ask where the fuck you were . and you can simply say " oh we took the bus already . hahahaha " . You even had the guts to laugh . I dont know if you're stupid or just ignorant . Even though my prepaid was expired , you could still text me . you texted me in the fucking morning . why couldn't you fucking tell me that you were going off first . and the worse part about it was when i called you , you told me you had just boarded the bus . you could even say " im scared im late for school " . what fucking excuse is that ? it was only 8.20 and school starts at 9 . and it's only 6 damn stops . And you end up waiting for me in school also . aah screw you . So apparently it seems a bus is more important than me ah . 5 fucking minutes has more worth than me lah .
well if you want to treat me more useless than 5 minutes , then so will I . Yes i am disappointed with you guys .


p.s : if you're reading this and you know who you are , the reason i wanted to meet you was to tell you that my mom was willing to chip in that $400 for your laptop . But since it seems that a bus ride worth $0.69 is worth more than me , then why should i give you the privilege of my help . after all im not worth waiting 5 minutes for anyway .
-------------------------------------


23 April 2010


sometimes i feel as though im a time bomb .
just ready to explode .
yes , i feel like exploding . but nobody wants to know .
they just want me to know their issues .
and im the tissue .
moral of the story is : im the issue tissue .
goodnight again .
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i'm simply tired okay . tired .
and please don't put me up with all the small petty issues .
i need to focus more on myself for now .
and im not referring to one specific person .
im referring to everyone in general .
goodnight .









note to self : smile when you're happy , smile when you're angry , smile when you're sad . this way nobody knows
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19 April 2010


im gonna list down all the things that i know about myself . and im gonna be fucking honest . be it good or bad .
  1. i am not very religiously inclined . somewhere in the middle i suppose
  2. i love to laugh at people doing silly things
  3. i dont like rude people . even though sometimes i can be .
  4. i bear long , hateful grudges
  5. i dont easily forgive someone . I forgive those who i see are very sincere . If i dont find you sincere and i tell you " naaah forget about it . its okay " , im simply lying through my teeth .
  6. I am not okay when i say " yeah im okay . "
  7. I dont like people asking me whether im okay . i get better if we just move on and simply make things better .
  8. i sweat alot
  9. my mother is indian . my grandfather is pure indian
  10. i like to dress up maturely . i dont like wearing simple clothing .
  11. i go for branded things
  12. im pretty impatient
  13. i am the kind of guy who gets very akward and shy when i have no friends around me
  14. no actually i am pretty shy to people i find uncomfortable .
  15. I get intimidated by people taller than me
  16. sometimes i lie to make myself look better
  17. sometimes i lie because i dont want to hurt you
  18. sometimes i lie , but then later tell you the truth just for laughs
  19. i am a pretty lazy person
  20. i hate doing chores
  21. i despise being reprimanded
  22. i dont like following what others do . i prefer to lead
  23. i get annoyed by people who talk big , but are actually empty inside
  24. i dont like people who aren't humble
  25. i admit i can be abit too generous
  26. i spend without thinking
  27. i take things for granted sometimes
  28. i like people who interact with me more than i interact with them . just dont annoy me
  29. i dont like people to rush me
  30. i hate being told what to do
  31. i like it when people follow the things i say
  32. sometimes i want to be in control , but i always hope there will be someone willing to help me . im not a one man army
  33. i like people who smile to me randomly , even if i dont know them
  34. i dont know why but i adore cute people
  35. i always understand and sympathize those who are in need
  36. i never hesitate to help
  37. i like making people happy
  38. i loathe people who are "sombong"
  39. i gossip about people behind their backs . duh , who doesn't
  40. i like to kaypo about others . again , duh who doesn't . you guys must admit
  41. i dont like being left out of a conversation
  42. i can't bear to see a friend hurt
  43. i never want to lose friends close to my heart
  44. i would do anything within my capability to help those in need
  45. BUT , i only help those i find deserving
  46. i dont like being in hot places
  47. i like to eat
  48. i dont like being fat
  49. sometimes i say things that i want to do , but i end up never doing it
  50. i like it when people praise me
  51. i can play the guitar
  52. i always daydream about doing something i know i can never do ; kung fu fighting for example
  53. im possesive about things i like
  54. i dont like people who stare at my food when i eat
  55. sometimes i wish i had a fairer skin tone . but naah i like the way i am
  56. i get jealous easily , but i soon forget about it
  57. i know i have the calibre to achieve , it is in me somewhere . i just need lotsa motivation
  58. i appreciate and will always remember people who have helped me
  59. i dont like people paying stuff for me . i can afford my things .
  60. i always get songs stuck in my head .
  61. i always wet my toothbrush before i put the toothpaste on .
  62. i brush according to whatever rhythm of a song is in my head . sometimes i just brush like mad .
  63. yes i do care about how my hair looks like .
  64. my teeth aren't straight , but i dont care anymore . i used to be paranoid about it . but fuck it . it's just used to chew food .
  65. i like to dig my nose privately .
  66. sometimes i try to fart silently so nobody would notice
  67. if i know it's gonna be a loud fart , i will just warn people im gonna fart . and just let loose .
  68. if im in class and i get a RANDOM erection which is really damn obvious , i will try to find an seemingly unattractive girl to turn me off . Or i just sit down and wait for " my little brother " to chill .
  69. i like to catch glimpses of pretty girls . but when it strikes me that im attached , i feel guilty and then i apologize to liana in my heart .
  70. okay im a guy , and to be honest , i look at girl's boobs when they're kinda revealing .
  71. if im with the guys and ALL of then notice the boobs , after the girl walks past , we all look at each other and go " OOOSSSHH :O "
  72. i have a very mild case of atopic eczema . and if you're googling for pictures of atopic eczema , dont worry . mine's not like that . its just abit at the folds of my elbows and knees
  73. and yes i am very uncomfortable about my skin condition , so if you realize , i RARELY wear shorts . i prefer to cover them up .
  74. i dont like the thought of people gossiping about me
  75. i like to wriggle my toes
  76. i have this habit of biting my nails in class . okay i dont bite them off , but i just bite them .
  77. i dont like waking up knowing i haven't slept enough hours .
  78. i like to smile at people . even though i dont know them
  79. i like to make people laugh .
  80. i think im a funny person
  81. i know im capable and reliable .
  82. i am humble
  83. i dont like the thought if hanging out with this bunch of friends , while another bunch of friends are hating me because i dont hang out with them .
  84. i dont interact much with my relatives .
  85. i like little kids . but im not a paedophile . I just love how happy and cheerful they are .
  86. i laugh at children who cry .
  87. i scratch when i get hot and sweaty
  88. i dont like being disgusting . i prefer being neat and tidy and hygenic
  89. i get stage-fright
  90. when i just quarreled with someone , i will always imagine myself beating the person up with my super god-like powers . like those in the hindustan movies .
  91. i am not ashamed to say i am half indian .
  92. my right eyelid is sometimes single . sometimes double .
  93. i have 2 stupid warts . one beside the bridge of my nose . one on my left eyelid
  94. i wanna keep a beard . but not too hairy . just simple and cool
  95. i cry sometimes
  96. i curse myself badly . like seriously badly when i know i can't do anything to help the others around me .
  97. i try to make every living day happy . even if im sad . i just fake a smile .
  98. i love seeing people happy . well hopefully not happy at my misery ah . or happy without me
  99. i care the most about the people closest to heart
  100. i dont care what you think about me after this post . at least my conscience is clear about me being true to myself and not having to lie about who i am . this is me .
-------------------------------------




school has FINALLY started . let me emphasize on the word finally . yes finally . well its only the first day but im getting the hang of poly life . yes im embracing change . the first day is always the most unorganized and messy . I had alot of admin things i had to handle ,being the class rep , like the payment and collecting of notes and all . BUT LUCKILY , i had awesome classmates who were so eager and willing to help me . THANKS GUYS !
anyway , its only the first day but im already like a no lifer . i just finished an hour of maths . which i dont know why i did . i think im doing it just so to get used to studying everyday . IM NOT STUDYING HARD . LET ME REITERATE , IM NOT STUDYING HARD.
im just studying consistently . hohohohoho ~
okay guys have fun .
-------------------------------------


18 April 2010


i fake a smile every day of my life so that others don't have to be sad .
i smile so hard i'm hurting inside .
i smile so wide it seems real .
i smile so cheerfully people assume i'm sincere .
i find myself too forgiving sometimes .
But i'm just used to the pain .
smile Khairul smile .
nothing will go away
-------------------------------------


15 April 2010


Sometimes i don't know why i fake a smile every single day of my life . Is it because i can't bear to affect the others around me ? Or am i just crazy . Honestly sometimes i just can't bear the pressure and i just feel like crumbling . And I try to open up to the people around me but most of them don't even bother about my life . Heck , they have their own problems to settle . But sometimes people do listen to my problem , but whats the point ; they aren't in my shoes . All they can do is listen to me and advice . Call me egoistic but its hard for me to accept friends advice . Mainly because they don't see the whole picture of my trouble . They just think of the easiest way out . Honestly I appreciate all of your efforts but words can only go so far . And its at this checkpoint i feel like the weight of the world is resting upon my shoulders . And to be honest it's at this point of time that people choose not to bother with my life . I'm tired . Tired of life . Tired of constantly making the others around me happy . Tired of faking my smile . Tired of the friends who get jealous of my success . Tired of people putting me down every time i take a step up my stairs of success . Can't you for once make me happy ? For once be proud of who I am and what I am . Just be proud of me ? Is it so hard to ask for a pat on the back once in a while ? Do you really have to hurt me ? I'm not saying i'm always making you guys happy , but I know I have done a lot to please you guys . I have done a lot to help . Never once have i demanded credit . But tell me , is it so hard to give some ? will you get shot in the head and die or something ?
I'm always trying to make peace work between people , but i'm starting to realize i'm becoming the victim . It hurts a lot okay , it does . Another thing that hurts me is people who get pissed and angry at me for the slightest things . As though what i did is causing the end of the world for you . Must you really get angry and disappointed with me for matters so minute ? I'm just tired putting up with all of these . Give me a break please . I'm always smiling and acting happy just so the people around me feel happy and comfortable . Just so nobody has issues with one another and we just have fun . But people see me as annoying . They rather i shut up and mind my own business . If you really want it its not hard . I can easily fuck off from everybody's lives . Would that make everyone happy ? I'd be glad to anyway . If nobody really needs me , then its fine with me . I won't need anybody too . I can just lead my own life doing my own things . It's not that hard for me to become an introvert .
I feel like just breaking down and scream my lungs out where nobody can hear me . And i don't know who's really there for me , or who's just claiming they're there for me . I just feel very lost and confused . I need someone to guide me . I need help . But i just don't know what to do with myself .
People hate me , I know , but it's okay . I'm not forcing anyone to like me anyway . I'm not demanding everyone to be a really good friend to me . But if you hate me , reflect upon yourself . Why do you really hate me . Is it because i stop you from having your way or say ? Or is it because people hate you anyway .
I just don't want to bother anymore . I'm just tired , very tired .
Goodnight readers
-------------------------------------


11 April 2010


EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:55 PM):
ok babe im SORRY, please forgive me..?!

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:56 PM):
what ?

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:56 PM):
hey

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:56 PM):
?

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:56 PM):
i'm 21/f your a male right?

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:56 PM):
wrong fucker

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:56 PM):
nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:57 PM):
fuck you

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:57 PM):
i wish you could i'm very wet right now

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:57 PM):
FUCK YOU BITCH
ASSHOLE

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:57 PM):
i wish you could i'm very wet right now

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:57 PM):
YOUR MOMMA'S PUSSY IS LIKE A NIGGA'S MOUTH

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:58 PM):
I am a little busy right now, trying to upload some new pics, here tell me what you think , don't be mean! http://www.showinvite.net/mr4

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:58 PM):
SLUT
FUCKIN ASSHOLE

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:58 PM):
hey, I know a way we can chat and have a better time.. do you cam at all?

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:58 PM):
MOTHERBITCH

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:58 PM):
Well i don't do yahoo cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before... But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records...

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:59 PM):
GO FUCK A DOG OR SOMETHING

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:59 PM):
I mean... Do you want to see me on my cam?

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (6:59 PM):
FUCK NO

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (6:59 PM):
Ok go to http://www.showinvite.net/hgm and click on "JOIN FOR FREE" blue button at the top of the page to join up for FREE.

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (7:01 PM):
GO FUCK A POLE AND TEAR YOUR VAGINA UP BITCH

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (7:01 PM):
fill out your contact information and then on the next page...

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (7:02 PM):
go fill up your hole with hydrochloric acid so that it burns right through your asshole
and whoever fucks you will get anal sex as well

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (7:02 PM):
fill out your cc info baby for verification ONLY, their card will not be charged.
What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere...

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (7:04 PM):
you should wear your momma's used sanitary pads

EMenishatuga@hotmail.com says (7:04 PM):
Your such a good boy, i'm gonna show you what good boys deserve.. you can tell me to do anything you want me too!

; Khairul is away . up up and away says (7:07 PM):
i want you to fuck off and go die in a drain





WHAT THE FUCK SIA .
THIS STUPID WEBCAM SCAMS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING .
THEY ADD YOU UP RANDOMLY AND ASK YOU TO SEE THEM WEBCAM NAKED
FUCK YOU.
but this made me laugh though
-------------------------------------


05 April 2010


Have i mentioned that poly is really fun .
i came to school with Shahida today and went in to meet Iza .
and Iza was standing there with some girl named Syafeqah , whom i think i instantly made friends with . and then came Ahmad , who i also suddenly became friends with . and then shahirah came . like permaisuri like that walk so slow . and im already good friends with her .
so we all like walk in the school like yaya papaya .
HAHAHAHAHAHA . im serious .
but i think its pretty cool . first day of poly and we like already have a clique .
and lunchtime the 6 of us went to KFC and talk talk talk macam dah members gitu eh ~
and i dont know whats wrong with Shahirah . she keeps laughing and laughing and laughing at everything i say as though she's never heard a joke . up to a point her eyes teared because she laughed too much .
tapi dah nasib . i also dont know whether the things i say are funny , but people keep laughing .
-------------------------------------


02 April 2010


ISSUE # 16546213

POLYTECHNIC

as you all may know , poly is starting soon . and the stress is already building up upon me . so i shall write down 10 things that i like about poly so far , and the 10 things that i just loathe .


HATE
  1. the stupid online bridging programme . i mean SERIOUSLY , you expect me to understand amaths just by looking at a screen and practicing on my own ? SCREW YOU
  2. all the fuckin' forms that need to be filled up and sent in and URGH
  3. adjusting to the new environment
  4. thinking of what to wear very single day
  5. SOMBONG COURSEMATES . SHAHIRAH WOULD KNOW WHO IM REFERRING TOO
  6. ANNOYING/FLIRTY COURSEMATES . SHAHIRAH WOULD STILL KNOW WHO IM REFERRING TO
  7. the fact my brain karat already after all the months of holidays
  8. fear of lookin like a fool when school starts
  9. tough competition in the course since everyone is roughly of the same academic standard
  10. people in the course trying to act like yaya papaya because they think they're smarter than others . i mean come on , you're in the same course

LIKES
  1. the fact ♥ is in the same poly as me :D
  2. SHAHIRAWWRRRRR! :D
  3. NO MORE HOLIDAYS LIKE FINALLY
  4. finally being able to lose all the holiday accumulated lemak babats =.=
  5. MAKING MORE FRIENDS
  6. being in a good course *wink*
  7. THE FACT IT'S LIKE 5 BUS STOPS AWAY FROM MY HOUSE SIA
  8. AND LIKE MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE THERE . sorry azri . nyp pun nyp lah . friend still friend
  9. A TOTALLY NEW ENVIRONMENT
  10. im not gonna say hot chicks ah because liana's gonna kill me and masak rendang . but i suppose doing something that i really enjoy

and shahirah here's something you should know about me , I ACCEPT ANY KINDS OF DARES ( terms and conditions apply ) . BUT DARE ME , AND YOU'RE DEAD ! AND LIANA WILL COOK ASAM PEDAS OUT OF YOU ! MUAHAHAHAHAHA ! no im serious about the asam pedas thing . do i look like im kidding to you ?
of course lah im kidding . hohohoho ! shahirah you're a really nice friend and it would be sad to make asam pedas out of you . because i wont eat it . and you will just basi . and im gonna have to throw you away .
RAWWWRRR

-------------------------------------


me

Khairul Im Seventeen going on Eighteen. Im a nice guy , so hate me . I love Syasya Firzanah Binte Roslee Screw this , everyone knows me






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